Thaw
by prettyinsanity
Summary: 3x17 'Countdown' AU. When Kate tried to shoot off the lock on the freezer door, what if a bullet didn't miss Castle?


I'm a sucker for hurt Castle and worried Beckett, so after rewatching Countdown for the thousandth time I thought of this idea. (Sorry)

Thanks to Carol proof reading and helping with the medical mumbo jumbo! You're the best.

Disclaimer: everything you recognize isn't mine!

* * *

_In the moments that I feel  
We're closer than ever before  
The world drops out from under our feet.  
But I believe the darkest of fights  
Prove we're almost there._

_\- Sleeping At Last _

* * *

The moment the freezer door slammed shut, locking both him and Beckett inside, he didn't think their situation could possibly get any worse. There was a deadly bomb about to destroy their city in less than 12 hours, innocent men would be blamed for the destruction, and no one was going to notice they were missing until morning. Which, judging by the way his heart rate was already starting to slow, his shivers were growing more intense, and Beckett's perspiration was turning to ice, they didn't have that long.

But now, freezing to death was the least of his problems. Minutes after realizing they were trapped, Beckett opened fire on the lock that was containing them, but rather than setting them free, the bullets ricocheted off the metal and flew in every direction before lodging themselves in the walls.

All except for one.

Before he could shout to Beckett to stop, he felt a searing pain in his right shoulder, the force was enough to push him backwards and he stumbled, reaching out to catch himself but was met with nothing but air. He fell. Hard.

He lay there for moment, wide eyes staring up at the ceiling, his breath stuck in his lungs as he tried to speak, to call out for Beckett, who was now busy attempting to kick down the door. He wasn't even sure if her name escaped through his clenched teeth; the loud ringing in his ears deafening him and overtaking his senses. But then the ringing faded, and the burning sensation of the gunshot wound hit him hard, the harsh contrast of temperature shocking his body into complete awareness, and he cried out. Kate whirled around, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she opened her mouth to ask what he was doing on the floor before she noticed the agony contorting his face and the slowly spreading pool of blood beneath him.

"Castle?" She gasped, dropping to the ground beside him, ignoring the tingling burn of ice seeping through her jeans and numbing her knees. Kate reached out and fumbled with his jacket, pulling it back to find the source of the bleeding coming from his right shoulder, just below his collarbone, and dread began to settle in her stomach. "Fuck, Castle." She hurriedly pressed her hands against the wound, tears rapidly gathering in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she choked out, swallowing back bile as it climbed up her throat. She did this. This was her fault.

Castle frowned meekly at her between shallow gasps, a hand coming up to clutch at hers.

"It's okay," he rasped, drawing in another breath, "'s not your fault."

Kate shook her head, blinking fast as her tears overflowed, spilling down her cheeks and onto his chest. She pressed her hands down harder, adding more pressure to his shoulder and winced when Castle cringed.

"It is my fault. I'm so sorry. I'm _so_ _sorry_," she moaned, her head bowing with heavy remorse.

"Don't cry," Castle's eyes grew wide, and the sympathy and love on his face had her looking away. She didn't deserve him, not right now.

"..m…fine," he reassured as he squeezed her hand, but his comfort did nothing to stop the aching pain in her heart. The sensation of his hand on hers however did draw her attention to his blood that was seeping through their fingers.

"I'm going to use my shirt to help with the bleeding," Kate spoke after a moment, her voice low and apologetic as she swiped the back of her hand across her face, removing any sign of tears. "It'll hurt for a second but it'll make you feel better I promise." At his nod, her other hand slipped out from under his and she unzipped her coat to reach the bottom of her shirt. She pulled it up to her teeth, sucking in a gasp when the cold stung her bare skin and then she bit down on the fabric. It tore away easily and she was glad she decided to wear a cotton shirt today; she imagined ripping one of her stiff button up work shirts would've been much more difficult.

Kate folded up the material to make it as thick as possible and returned her hands to his shoulder, pressing down as hard as she could. Castle cried out, tears streaming steadily down his face, and Kate swallowed heavily, using everything she had not to pull her hands away, apologize and kiss his pain away. After a few minutes she could see his blood was already slowing down, no longer bubbling up through the material and between her fingers. She rocked back on her heels, breathed a sigh of relief, and for a moment it was silent. But then her hands seemed to repel from his shoulder as the full severity of their situation overcame her and she found herself scurrying backwards, her bloody hands coming to wipe away the hair falling in her face. Oh god, she couldn't breathe.

"I shot you. I _shot _you," she gasped, her breath coming out in quick puffs, the cold air turning it into steam.

"Not on …purpose," Castle feebly reasoned as he struggled to crane his neck to see her. "I forgive you... Not that there's anything... to forgive. Beckett, please...Look at me."

She reluctantly met his eyes, and though they were wide and radiating pain, they were gentle, soothing and alive. She focused on them as she tried to regain her control, to stop the wave of hysteria as it threatened to consume her. She watched as he attempted to move closer to her, to sit up, but could see his body wouldn't allow it.

"Here," she swallowed, "Let me help." Pushing her fear away because he needed her right now, Kate crawled back to his side. She moved behind him, unfurling her legs around his body and reached her hands under his back. It was then she noticed bleeding coming from the other side, behind his shoulder. Her relief was palpable when she realized the bullet went through and through and there wasn't any fragments inside his body, travelling through his blood stream or threatening to nick an artery every time he moved. She pulled him up until he was leaning against her, his cries of pain sending sharp spasms to her heart and she dropped her chin against the top of his head, whispering words of comfort as she wrapped one arm around his waist, the other moving back to press against his wound. The sounds of his suffering echoed off the freezer walls long after he grew quiet, and Kate could feel her eyes growing wet.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she whimpered, desperately wishing in that moment she could've taken the bullet herself. It was so stupid to shoot her gun in the first place. What the hell was she thinking?

"Don't a-apologize," he murmured, his good arm awkwardly lifting from his side to intertwine his fingers with her left hand, thumb stroking her skin softly. "P-please Kate, don't blame your...yourself."

She didn't reply, choosing to close her eyes and revel in his warmth as it helped keep the chills and tremors at bay. The tingling sensation in her legs, however, weren't easing up, and she shifted uncomfortably.

"Castle, my legs are falling asleep. I'm going to move us over to the wall, okay?"

He gave a small tilt of his head in response, and she released his hand to grip his waist. She dug her boots into the ground and pushed back with as much force as she could muster, and was relieved to feel them move. After a few minutes, she finally felt the cool exterior of the container against her back and she fell against it, exhausted.

"Better?" She asked, interlacing their fingers back together.

"Yeah," he hummed.

"Good. Just stay awake, ok Castle?" She pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head, and she felt him press harder against her.

"I'm in y-your arms, d-don't want to m-miss...a second," he murmured.

She chuckled, squeezing his hand as her chin left the top of his head to rest her cheek in its place, practically nuzzling him. "Me neither," she found herself replying, his body tensing in her arms in response.

"Kate-"

"You need something to support your shoulder," she interrupted, knowing where the conversation was headed, and knew she couldn't have it with him this close, in pain because of a bullet she had put there. "You can use my jacket."

"Wha- are you c-_crazy_?! Keep on, 's...freezing!" Castle exclaimed incredulously, and had it been any other situation she would've found it amusing if his words hadn't slurred together – a sign he could soon lose consciousness.

"I never thought you'd stop me from removing my clothes, Castle" she teased meekly, eager to grab his attention, to keep him talking. Castle chuckled for a moment but abruptly stopped when the laughter shook his shoulders, the burning pain causing him to clench his jaw.

"Shhh," Kate murmured in his ear, arms tightening around him as he groaned. "Castle, you need to elevate it," she begged. "Let me do something." She could feel him shake his head in protest, her cheek rubbing against his hair.

"'s okay, K-kate. You've d-done enough."

She stiffened.

"No," Castle sighed, "don't m-mean l-like th-that. You done all... you can. 'll be...f-fine."

He was quiet for a moment, contemplating his next words. "'m probably gonna... d-die faster from hypoth-th-thermia th-than... gunsh-sh-shot wound," he stuttered, his body trembling with every disjointed word.

"Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

"S-s-sorry."

Her lips quirked up into a small smile, and she pulled him closer. "It's ok."

"No, 'm sorry f-for b-being me. F-for getting u-us i-into this."

She wished she could see his face, wished he could see hers. Her choosing to follow him blindly into any situation wasn't on him, she made her own decisions and she could never regret it. She would follow him to the ends of the earth if she had to.

"You led us to them, you cracked the case. Without you, millions of people would be dead."

"Y-yeah w-well now w-we're d-dead, and t-they're gonna g-get a-away."

"_No_," she whispered fiercely. "Esposito and Ryan will find us, they'll figure it out."

"N-now wh-who's th-the o-optimist."

"What can I say, Castle, you just bring out the best in me," she quipped, squeezing his hand. She expected a snappy response, or at least a returning pressure on her hand but he was still. So very still.

"Castle?"

Nothing.

"Hey Castle? Come on, stay awake."

Still no response.

She shifted his body so she could see his face, and his eyes were closed, his lips so impossibly blue. The waves of hysteria were back, and she felt like a vice had taken hold of her heart, squeezing it till she couldn't breath. Till her body was paralyzed and darkness licked at the edges of her surroundings.

"Come on, Castle. _Please_. Open your eyes."

She tried to pull her hand free from his to check for a pulse, for breathing, but his hand was practically locked together with hers. Unable to bear the thought of letting go, she removed her hand that was covering his shoulder, her stomach churning at the red staining her skin, and pressed two fingers against his throat. She waited. Nothing. She pressed harder. Nothing.

"Come on, come on, _come on_," she pleaded desperately, her eyes squeezing shut as she moved her fingers to another spot. She couldn't feel anything. Not even the smallest flutter of a pulse. Time seemed to slow down, her breathing grew louder, and almost mockingly, her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she moaned, her apology leaving her lips in a loud wail. She dropped her head into the crook of his neck and wept. "I can't do this without you, Rick. Please. Stay with me."

She pulled him closer until he was practically in her lap, and she cradled him, sweeping her free hand through his hair and down his cheek. She stopped to cup his jaw, and swiped her thumb across his lips, desperately hoping he'd open them, suck in a breath of air and she'd get to see his beautiful blue eyes, even just for one last time. She leant forward and rested her forehead against his.

"I love you, Rick," she whimpered. "I love you. I'm sorry."

She doesn't know how much time passed after that. Her head dropped from his face back to the crook of his neck and she drifted in and out of consciousness but she never loosened her hold of him in her arms, even when she couldn't even feel him there any longer. She felt like ice. If someone were to touch her, she was sure she'd shatter. She wondered how many chips and cracks were on her skin already. Maybe as many as her heart.

Her body was being consumed with violent tremors and she couldn't suck in any more oxygen, her lungs seemingly rejecting any further cool air from seeping in.

What's the point? The single thought popped into her mind then, and she let herself dwell on it, consider it, and believe it.

So, she stopped fighting. The sounds of her gasping for breath grew silent, and briefly, before the darkness finally won, she wondered if she'd see Castle there, wherever she was going. She hoped so.

With a flicker of a smile, her eyes fell shut.

* * *

Kate jerked awake, Castle's name tearing from her lips as her body jolted upright before a gentle hand pushed her back down.

"Kate, it's okay. You're okay." Josh stood over her, one hand holding a chart and the other reaching to squeeze her fingers. The gesture was so similar to Castle's she repelled away, tearing her hand out of his grasp to hold it across her chest as she balled both hands into fists.

"What are you doing here? Where's Castle?" Her voice shook as she squeezed her eyes shut, terrified to hear the answer.

"Kate…" Josh's voice was cautionary and it only worsened the churning of anxiety in her stomach.

"Josh, where's Castle?" she growled, slamming her fists against the bed.

Josh stood still for a moment, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth before he sighed and moved to push back the curtain on his left. There was Castle, hooked up to machines and looking sickly pale, but _alive_. Incredibly and beautifully _alive_.

"Castle," she exhaled, his name a breathy whisper. "Is he ok?"

"He just came out of surgery so he'll wake up when the anesthesia wears off." Josh moved closer to Castle to check his vitals. "Bullet went through and through and didn't cause any structural or vascular damage. We'll need to keep an eye out for any signs of infection, but other than that he's going to be fine."

Kate felt all the tension drain from her body and she dropped her head against the bed, tears of relief gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"He's incredibly lucky, Kate," Josh continued. "Would've bled out if it weren't for that freezer too. What happened in there?"

Kate turned her head away from him, a hand coming up to brush the hair from her face. "We got locked in the freezer when trying to hide from McCann's men and I… I tried to _shoot_ the lock open…"

A brief flicker of surprise appeared on Josh's face before he composed himself and cleared his throat. "So you-"

"I shot Castle," she confirmed, her voice low and sharp. "A bullet rebounded off the walls and hit him."

"Kate, that's not your fault."

She let out a huff. "So everyone is saying."

She could see Josh wanted to comfort her, console her, but she cut him off before he could continue. "How long was I out?"

"A few hours," he sighed, giving the clipboard a last once over before returning it to the end of her bed. "Your body didn't seem to want to wake up until we got your temperature under control."

"A few hours?" Kate's eyes widened as she glanced at the clock on the wall behind Josh's head. It read 10:47am.

"Where are Esposito and Ryan?" she asked frantically. "The bomb, oh god, the bomb is going off at 4pm."

"Yeah, they know," he eyed her warily. "Castle woke up when they found you guys, he told them everything."

"I need to help them," Kate moved to sit up and tossed the blankets off as she did so, ignoring her body's protests as she lost some of its warmth.

"Kate, you're recovering from a moderate case of hypothermia," Josh protested, taking a step in front of her, cutting her off from her path to her clothes, which were tossed over a chair by the window. "You need to rest, get back in bed."

"No," Kate gritted out, her hand coming up to prevent Josh from getting any closer. "I have to do something. I can't let everything Castle and I have gone through be for nothing, ok?"

She stared at Josh, her eyes narrowing, challenging him to stop her.

"Josh…" she said warningly when he didn't make any attempt to move. Finally, he dropped his head and stepped aside and she quickly brushed past him.

"Can you give me a second alone, please? I need to change." She knew she was being unfair to him, so she turned and flashed him a quick smile.

"Kate," Josh murmured, his eyes wretched and knowing. "Are we ok? I mean… I didn't go to Africa for you, but you haven't said anything and…" he trailed off.

"Please Josh, can we not do this right now," she begged, her shoulders slumping as she turned back to her clothes. She hoped he would pick up on her exhaustion and drop it.

Ignoring her requests, he only stopped closer. "Do what, Kate? I stayed to be with you and I'm getting the feeling you don't really want to be with me. Not anymore."

She whirled to face him, eyes wide and incredulous. "I'm sorry if I'm not acting more thrilled to see you here, Josh," she snapped, her hands crossing indignantly across her chest. "But I've just spent all night fighting to keep Castle and myself alive, and now I have to go stop a _bomb_ from destroying our city." Without another word, she grabbed her clothes and stormed to the bathroom, slamming it shut behind her.

She was relieved to find Josh gone when she opened the door again a few minutes later, and her eyes immediately looked to Castle. The beeping of his heartbeat monitor echoed throughout the room, and she found it comforting, her shoulders sinking as the tension dropped away. He really was ok.

She crossed the room to his side, slumping in the chair opposite his bed, one hand reaching for his and the other moving to trace the features of his face. He looked peaceful and trouble-free - a complete turn around from earlier.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, gently squeezing his hand before she let go, and sucked in a breath as she stood up. "I'll be back, I'll make this right." With a kiss to his forehead, she flew out of the door, her movement's sluggish but determined.

* * *

They finally got a location on the bomb, twenty minutes from its detonation time, and she got to it first. As she stood there, watching the timer count down and Agent Fallon's voice sounding through the phone defeated and apologetic, she thought of Castle. He would wake up to chaos and know that he failed. That she failed. The hospital would probably kick him out to make room for the thousands of sick and injured people, and he'd be forced to recover at home, alone and in pain, and it'd be all her fault. And the most tragic thought of them all is she knew he'd blame himself for not being able to help her, to stop her, for losing her. She knew how he felt about her and he was never going to know that she felt the same.

The timer reached 5 seconds, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She pictured him in this moment, what she would do if he were here. She'd grab his hand.

4

She'd stare at him, hoping her eyes would tell him everything he needed to know, everything she could never say.

3

He would do something reckless, her tender expression making him desperate.

2

He'd grab the wires. Yank them all out. Hope for the best.

1

So she did just that.

* * *

It was 8pm before she finally made it back to the hospital, eyes weary and her body loudly protesting every step she took. She couldn't remember a time she'd ever felt this overwhelmingly rundown. After stopping the bomb from detonating, she'd headed back to the precinct to answer questions and began to attempt to do paperwork before the boys kicked her out. She didn't even have the energy to protest, especially when Ryan informed her that Castle was awake, and she was downstairs and in a cab within minutes.

By the time she reached Castle's room, her heart was pounding and she had trouble swallowing. What if he didn't want to see her? What if he could never forgive her? She raised a shaking hand to the door and tapped lightly three times. After a moment, the door swung open to reveal Alexis who smiled timidly and stepped aside without a word.

"Katherine!" Martha exclaimed as Kate moved into the room, eyes lighting up at the sight of her. "We're so glad you're alright!"

"Thank you, Martha," Kate smiled, the woman pulling her into a hug as she spoke, her vivid red hair muffling her words. Over Martha's shoulder her eyes made contact with Castle's who was watching her with a grin on his face. She quickly looked away.

"We came back from getting some food to find you were gone," Martha said as she pulled back and motioned to the empty bed behind them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys had been around," Kate grimaced, to which Martha simply waved her hand flippantly.

"Don't worry about it, Katherine. We're just glad you're safe now."

Kate nodded and dropped her head, her hands twisting together nervously. She didn't understand why Martha was being so kind to her, and why Alexis wasn't screaming at her to leave the room, to stay away from them and from Castle. They were being far too caring towards her than what she deserved.

Martha cleared her throat then, and reached for her bag on the foot of Castle's bed. "Alexis, dear. Let's go grab something to drink, I'm parched."

Kate's eyes flashed back to Castle's mother in surprise, and then looked to Alexis, expecting her to demand she stay and keep an eye on her father, but was stunned when the young girl nodded. "Ok."

"We'll be back soon," Martha said, as she leant forward to kiss Castle's cheek. She moved back to allow for Alexis to do the same, and then both women were gone before she could even gather her thoughts.

"Hey," Castle murmured, his voice scratchy, low and unfamiliar, but it soothed her all the same. She never thought she'd hear his voice again.

"Hey," she rasped back, attempting to swallow the emotions bubbling up inside.

He motioned to the empty chair besides his bed, and her mind flashed to earlier when she had sat there, stroking his face and promising she'd stop the bomb and make everything right. Now that she had, however, she wasn't sure that was enough.

He seemed to sense her hesitation and his eyes turned pleading, so she sat down and took his hand in hers. It was silent for a while as she stared at their hands and he stared at her, but then the quietness became too much and they spoke at the same time.

"I'm so sorry, Castle-"

"I heard you saved everyone-"

They both stopped, looking up at each other with timid smiles of their faces, and Kate motioned for Castle to continue.

"I spoke with Esposito. He told me you stopped the bomb, by yourself." He stopped, as if waiting for confirmation and she nodded. He looked at her then like she hung the moon and the stars.

"You're a hero, Kate."

She wanted to scoff, but she just shook her head, eyes falling to her lap. "To the city maybe, but not to you."

Castle's grip tightened on her hand, like he was afraid she was going to pull away. "No, _especially_ to me," he declared fiercely. "You saved my life; you saved _everyone's_ lives."

Her eyes remained trained on her lap. "The only reason your life needed saving was because of me," she mumbled.

"But you didn't aim the gun at me, so _you_ didn't shoot me," he protested. "It was your top priority to get us out. That's what you were focused on, so I can't blame you for that. _You_ can't blame yourself for that."

Kate sighed, her arm moving from her side to place her other hand on top of their joint fingers as she finally looked at him. _Really_ looked at him.

He was in love with her. She'd never been so certain on anything in her life, just as she was certain her unheard love declaration to him wasn't a spur of the moment thing that occurred because he was dying in her arms. She was in love with him too.

So, as she shifted forward until she could feel his breathe on her face, and his hand gently caressing her cheek, she decided she didn't want to waste anymore time.

* * *

**NOTE:**

So I really thought about how the freezer would affect Castle along with his gun shot wound, and had a pretty big discussion with a friend who is in medical school and we came up with the conclusion that in terms of Castle bleeding out, at first it'd be pretty heavy as he was just in a gun fight and now locked in a freezer so his adrenaline would be full on, and his heart pumping fast, but as the freezing temperatures got to him, his heart rate would slow down, causing his blood to also slow down (which would mean he would lose less which could help in the long run, so it's ironic how the freezer could both help but simultaneously do more damage), and then would fall unconscious a lot sooner. Hypothermia would also set in a lot earlier; hence he was shivering long before Beckett and he unable to speak properly so quickly. So, that was my take on it. Also, I didn't really get a chance to explain in the story, but Castle had demanded Beckett to be in his (private) recovery room, so that's why she wakes up there. Sorry for those with way more medical knowledge than myself if it's all super inaccurate!

Anyway, thanks for reading! I would love if you'd let me know what you thought!


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